So

let's say you've taken some baby steps, and I'll tell you what, I've run into when I try, and I have I've taken Time off of my or away from my normal routines in say a city, like Austin. Here's what happens to me. Let's just say. So I'm sitting downtown in Austin right now. I decide I'm going to take a couple couple of weeks away from my normal routines, but I'm going to stay here in so-called civilization. My girlfriend mean, while is going to continue with her normal routines, most of my friends. At least here are not going to be. Coincidentally taking a Sabbath, a sabbatical, the same time that I do. And so I go about my day and ultimately a, it's very lonely. Be, I end up feeling, unemployed /, insane, because if you go to the Starbucks, or you go to the library, or you go to Any number of other places you end up surrounded, in fact, by a lot of sort of unemployed and or crazy people. I realized this in San Francisco. Actually, when I was like, I'm going to take a break. I'm going to go to the library and read and I was like, wow, this is actually very disturbing because this is sort of the halfway house during business hours for a lot of unstable people. And I found that pole towards like the River Edge of Chaos. It's not good for me. Well, what I also hear you

doing was then deciding that you were one of those people. It's not. So I mean, there is that. I mean, you know, you're not unemployed if you're not work. I know

I'm not that but it's I think we're all affected on some level by the people we spend time around, right? Like if somebody were in, this is an extreme example, but just to kind of play out the point if somebody actually were sitting inside with an insane asylum. I know, it's probably not the politically correct term these days. But like One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest and you weren't like, working behind the desk. You're actually sitting in there like playing chess with these people all day or whatever. It might be. I think that would affect just about anyone if they're exposed to Troy. So, when you go into some of these public spaces or semi public spaces, during business hours in a place, like, Austin, that is also the case. And that's not limited to Austin. I mean, if you want it times 10, go to Sea. And Cisco, so I don't automatically assume am one of those people, but I might instrumentation is very sensitive. So I do get, I do feel impacted by being in the settings. And I think we could treat these two things almost separately. There's being in those settings and being affected by the settings. And there's also just a genuine sense of loneliness and I know a lot of people who are quote unquote, free, right? Who can work wherever Whoever they want whenever they want on some level, even if they're still paying the bills by working consistently, but they are working from a laptop somewhere without people around them who are in a similar situation that it get agonizing how Lonesome that feels. So, that's a big mouthful. I don't know if you have any thought. I'm

glad you Circle back to the word, lonely. Because you went lonely, unemployed insane. And I Update and saying that, but but I think the, why don't we don't have to rule out

that. I'm insane. Now, we can leave that on the table, but

I think the lonely is really important. And you know what? You're helping me. See, is that my lens is very much affected by the fact that on the Spectrum. I tilt toward its introversion. So I don't quite have the same reaction to the The word lonely or alone as say my daughter, who is very much, an extrovert and during the lockdowns. She would really yearn to be outside with other folks.

May I interject for one, secondary? So I would actually consider myself very introverted, but I would also recognize myself as someone who almost killed himself, had a date on the calendar to do. So in college. I think in part as a byproduct of certainly, lots of factors, but one of them being I was all alone and isolated way, way, way too much. So I would consider myself an introvert and yet, at the same time. I have a lot of fear around feeling alone, which is actually very different from being alone. Right? If I do one of those extreme trips, which I don't consider that extreme actually consider it a real return to fundamentals, but where I'm in nature by myself, I don't feel alone in the same way that I feel alone. If I'm sitting in a Starbucks with a bunch of unstable people sitting around me with no friends who are following any routine, that's similar to mine. I

appreciate that distinction. I think that that's really helpful and what I'm feeling my way too and I can relate to this is There are certain mental states that are reminiscent of the past States, you know, as we've talked about before I to, I actually attempted suicide at 18 and, you know, in an odd way. I make my bed every day, and I make my bed every day, because that's what I learned. When I was in the mental hospital, was that you make your bed every day, even if you do nothing else, even if you don't shower, you make your bed every day, and so I make my Still to this day because if I don't, it starts to bring up those feelings that I might end up back, emotionally, in that place. And so, what I'm hearing you say is, the fear isn't about being alone so much. It's about feeling lonely because that's the association back to the depression. That's right. And this recital, impulses, and that a really good observation about yourself. And so, I I applaud you being able to say to yourself. Okay, there's an alcoholic. Might say I'm going to stay out of a bar. You're going to stay out of those situations that can be triggering for you and bring you back to some of those States. And I like where we are right now, because what we're seeing is that perhaps there's a little fear of cold boredom. Because it might remind one of feeling lonely. maybe, maybe I

Maybe, maybe, I think that there could be some overlap